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Copyright, X912, by Joseph WilUamsj Limited. 



Mrs. Hasenby s 
Health 

A Play in One Act 
GURTIS BROWN 

PRICE SIXPENCE NET 




J.W. 16312. 



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Copyright, 1912, by Joseph Williams, Limited. 



Mrs. Hazenby s 
Health 

A Play in One Act 

. . BY . . 

CURTIS BROWN 

PRICE SIXPENCE NET 



London : Joseph Williams, Limited 
32, Great Portland Street. W. 

New York : Samuel French, 28-30, West Thirty-Eighth Street. 




J.W. 15312. 






CHARACTERS. 



Dr. Stanford Stearnes. 
Mrs. Hazbnby (An Invalid). 
Constance (iV/rs. Hazenhy's daughter). 
Sophy {An old family servant). 



©CLD 30102 



Mrs. HAZENBY'S HEALTH. 



Scene: — Draicing-room, ivith sofa spiled with cushions, centre 
table holding books and a number of bottles, pitcher of 
loater and glasses ; mantel holding more bottles and little 
packages, glass ivith a paper over it and a spoon on top, 
mixed iip with ordinary bric-d-brac. Large thermometer 
on wall. Capacious and comfortable arm-chair, ivith rug 
in it. Screen before door (l). 

At rise of curtain, Sophy discovered at centre table, 
holding bottle up to eye, measuring dose ivith her thumb, 
and squinting at it. 

Sophy. There now ! that's to the next mark. You pours it 
out to there, Sophy, and then you splops* it into the glass, so, 
;and then you pours water on to it, so, and then you puts a napkin 
on to it, so, and then you lays the spoon across, just so. {Places 
glass on table.) Now, if you was to lay it this way (changing 
angle), the missus would be took wopply. (Mimics.) " Ah ! I'm 
that faint, Sophy! Bring me the salts." Poor thing ! I suppose 
she always does suffer terrible with her nerves. But — (hand-bell 
Jieard from room behind the screen). Yes'm, yes'm. (Goes to 
mantel at r. Opens small paper of poivders.) Things this new 
doctor gives her is no good. Oh, if she had only Dr. Stearnes 
liack again ! Now, he tells her what's what. H'm ! I could 
eat a cupful of this stuff" without giving me no improvements. 

(Bell rings more violently.) 
Yes'm, yes'm ; I'm just getting your powders. (To herself.) Why 
the stuff doesn't even smell ! (She opens paper and sniffs, as bell 
is throivn from adjoining room on to stage. Sophy jumps, and 
poioder flies over her face and dress.) 

Enter Mrs. Hazenby, Icanimi heavily on cane, with left hand over 

her heart. 
Mrs. Hazenby (.sharply). Sophy! 

Sophy (keeping her bach turned towards Mrs. H.). Yes'm, 
yes'm ; I heard you ring, and was a-hastening to get your 
powders ready for you to take. (She tries to brush of poioder 
with one hand, holding in the other the paper, manifestly empty.) 

* N.B. — Soniv is somewhat given to the manufacture of words. 



Copyright 1912, 61/ Joskph Williams, rjiMiTi:r). 
■j.W. 15812. 



Mes. H. (sinking drearily into chair). I might have died alone- 
and unattended, while waiting for you to answer that bell. What- 
ever will you do when the Angel Gabriel sounds the Last Trump, 
and you just standing round and saying, " Yes'm, yes'm"? What 
are you doing there ? 

Sophy (cheerfully, after a moment's pause). Yes'm. Now, here 
we are. Shut your eyes, and open your mouth. (Slie bachs- 
toivards Mes. H. The latter obeys, and Sophy cheerfully goes 
through the form of emptying poicders on her tongue from the 
empty paper.) 

Mrs. H. (tasting). Humpli ! Doesn't seem to taste much. 

Sophy (nervously, still trying to get powder off dress). No'm, 
no'm. That new doctor's stuff never does; and it won't do you 
no good, neither. 

Mrs. H. (mouthing, and screicing up lier face as she tries to 
taste it). It hasn't that nasty flavour I found in that previous- 
(scornfully) physician's medicine. 

Sophy (2oith another furtive touch to her skirt.) No'm, no'm. 
I expect there ain't much to it. 

Mrs. H. (feeling of her heart doubtfully). It has a queer effect 
— increases the heart's action painfully. (Alarmed.) Oli ! how 
it jumps ! 

Sophy. Makes you feel sort of goppy ? 

Mes. H. (staring at Sophy). Goppy? I don't know the word.. 
(Nervously.) The effect will be beneficial, I trust. 

Sophy (smoothing Mrs. H.'s hair and generally tidying her.) 
Yes'm. But you said only this morning that this medicine hadn't 
done you no good. 

Mes. H. None of it had — before. This seems more powerful.. 
I zuonder if the man knows what he's about ? 

Sophy makes some commotion, p)utting her hand to her mouth,, 
laughing. 

What are you jiggling around for, Sophy ? 

Sophy. It's my nerves, mum ; they're all wiggly this morning. 

Mes. H. (sternly.) You must take something for them. 

Sophy. You're not looking so well yourself this morning,, 
ma'am. 

Mes. H. (instantly assuming lugubrious face, and sighing.) No,. 
I am not. I feel as if there were carpet tacks all running up and 
down my veins. 

Sophy (bored). It was toads hopping up and down your spinal 
column yesterday morning. Them was your very words. 

Mrs. H. Well, I find the toads were preferable to the carpet 
tacks. Oh ! (Groans^) 



Sophy. Ah, ma'am, if you would only go back to Dr. Steanies ! 
He was a-doin' of you so mucli good. 

Mrs. H. {accentuating loith her cane). Sophia, I wish you 
never to mention tliat man again. 

Sophy. Never again, ma'am. No'm. 

Mrs. H. Any doctor v^'bo could tell me to my face that there 
wasn't anything the matter with me, when I was suft'ering such 
tortures 

Sophy. Toads and carpet tacks 

Mrs. H. Yes, indeed. Such a man was no more fitted to be a 
doctor than I am fitted to turn somersaults in a circus ring. 

Sophy. He cured Miss Constance when the other doctors liad 
given her up. 

Mrs. H. He gave altogether too much attention to my 
daughter after she was quite recovered, and when he was being 
paid to attend to me. Anyone might suppose that she was the 
invalid still. 

Sophy. She ain't been looking well, ma'am. No, ma'am, not 
at all well, ma'am, since Dr. Stearnes left us, and you called in 
that new man. 

Mrs. H. [anxiously). Hasn't she, Sophy ? I hadn't noticed. 
She must begin to take something at once. Has she been down 
this morning ? 

Sophy. No,''ma'am. 

Mrs. H. Call her. 

Sophy. Yes, ma'am. {Starts to go.) 

Mrs. H. Tell her, Sophia, that I slept very badly last night. 

Sophy. Yes'm, I'll tell her. [Exit. 

Mrs. H. {looking at her loatcli, and rising feebly). Gracious! 
It's past the hour for my exercises. I wish that Dr. What's-liis- 
name hadn't prescriljed such a thing. It makes me look like a 
fool. {She makes fantastic revolutions, first with one leg and then, 
loith the other ; cdso arms, counting as she does so.) My dauglater 
will be pleased to see her aged mother conducting herself like this. 
(She bends doiun, resting hands on arm of sofa, and hops, counting.) 
One, two, three ! Perfectly scandalous ! One, two, three ! Fancy 
one of my years popping up and down like a silly pony in a 
go-cart ! One, two, three ! Dr. Stearnes didn't understand my 
case, but he never would have made me as ridiculous as this. I 
feel myself positively blushing. One, two, three ! 

Enter Const.vnce. 

Constance (cdarmed). ^lamma! Wliat on earth are you 
doing? 



Mrs. H. (in terror). Heavens I my child ; how you frightsnecT 
me ! 

Constance. But whab 

Mrs. H. [loith dignity). My child, you may as well know the 
worst at once. I am somewhat disappointed with our new 
physician. 

Constance {clolefidlii). Of course. Is he responsible for — for 
that ? [She copies Mrs. H.'s motions.) 

Mrs. H. Constance, this — this — {repeating motion) is what 
your mother is called upon to perform by that new Dr. What's- 
his-name. 

Constance. Eobinson ? 

Mrs. H. Yes, or Popson. Whatever his name is, he is an idiot I 

Constance. But, mamma, you must give him a fair trial. 
You're surely looking better this morning. 

Mrs. H. (indignantly). I am looking worse this morning than 
any other day since Dr. Stearnes forsook me. I feel as if scrapers 
were going up and down inside my veins. I don't see why he 
should have left me to become the helpless victim of this — {sioings 
her leg, indicating her exercise) congenital donkey. 

Constance (ivearily). He wouldn't have left you if you had 
not peremptorily dismissed him. 

Mrs. H. (examining paper from lol'iich poivders have been given, 
and sniffing at it suspiciously). No, he never would have left me 
as- long as you were around. 

Constance [furtively toiping her eyes). Mamma ! You know 
he was genuinely interested in your case. 

Mrs. H. {satirically). Yes ; he seemed to be. Said bread pills 
and water would do me just as much good as any other medicine, 
if I would only stop thinking about it. As if I could stop thinking 
about it, when I feel as if there were porcupines inside my legs 
and arms ! 

Constance. " Porcup " — mamma ! It was toads. 

Mrs. H. My dear, I said porcupines. 

Constance. Well, anyway, Dr. Stearnes never talked to me in 
that way. 

Mrs. H. I daresay not ; but he did to me, the brute ! 

Constance. Mamma ! 

Mrs. H. The unsympathetic lieast ! 

Constance. Please, don't ! 

Mrs. H. I am glad I told him exactly what I tliought of him. 
Oh, my side ! And he understood my case so well. [She again 
tastes the piaper of poivders, and makes a face.) 



Constance. I thought you said he didn't understand it at all?" 

Mrs. H. {scorning to answer). Constance, I wonder if he would 
come back to us if I wrote him a very nice note, and told him I 
had forgiven him, and should try to tolerate him ? 

Constance. I'm afraid he wouldn't. 

Mrs. H. Well, he must ! I'm worse every day. And, besides, 
you need him, dear. Sophy says yovi haven't been at all well of 
late, and now that my attention is called to it, it seems to me that 
you are quite pale. You WTite to him, dear. H'm ! (Significantly.) 
He'll come. At least, yoK didn't dismiss him. 

Constance (kirning her face away toioard front of stage)^ 
Mamma, I — I think I did. 

Mrs. H. What do you mean, child ? 

Constance [as if on tlie point of sobbing). I mean that — that I 
dismissed him, too! 

jMrs. H. What do you say it in such a hoogly-googiy way for ? 
You don't mean that 

Constance. Yes, I do. I mean that he asked me to marry him. 

Mrs. H. (starting from chair, aiul displaying much vigour). 
Outrageous ! Simply outrageous ! He knows you're the only 
person left who doesn't get on my nerves. And the absolutely 
barbaric selfishness of wanting you to devote yourself to him, and 
leave your poor invalid mother in such extremities simply sur- 
passes belief ! How you must hate him ! 

Constance. N — No. But I told him I should never leave you. 

Mrs. H. Certainly. What did he say to that? Did it begin 
to dawn upon him then that he was a selfish brute '? 

Constance (leading Mrs. H. back to chair). He acted very 
nobly. He said that, of course, he would take you, too. 

Mrs. H. How truly noble of him! Well, I won't be taken. 
And he has a splendid house, too, Oh, my side ! And it was so 
convenient to have him next door. But bread pills ! And water ! 
H'm! "Stop thinking about my nerves,'' when they feel as if 
they had swallow^ed fish-hooks ! 

Constance. Porcupines, mamma. 

Mrs. H. No, indeed ; fish-hooks. You poor child ! how 
annoying it must have been to you ! Was he mucli crushed ? I 
liope you crushed him well ? 

Constance. I told him that nothing would alter my 
determination. 

Mrs. H. Bellowed like a bull, I suppose ? Just as he always 
did. I declare, there was something supporting in that bellow of 
his. You could fairly cling to it. They ought to have it for storms 
in a theatre. 



Constance. He seemed rather broken-hearted, mamma. He 
-was very quiet. 

Mrs. H. He could be gentle enough when he tried. (She droops.) 
All this excitement is beginning to make me faint. Oh ! my heart 
feels tipped over. (Constance hastens to her.) I must take 
■something at once. What is that new medicine for the heart. 

CoNST.ANCE (frightened). I don't know which it is. I'll ask 
Sophy. (Buns to hell-rope.) 

Mrs. H. No, no ; don't ring. Get her yourself. I should be 
'dead before she answered the bell. (Constance starts to open 
door.) Or, no, — you mustn't leave me alone. Ring! ring! 
(Constance rings, and rushes back to her mother.) Here ; give me 
some of that in the glass — quick ! 

Constance. But are you sure that's the right one? 

Mrs. H. [faintly). It doesn't matter — all same — fool doctor — 
give quick ! (Constance frightened, gives teaspoonful from glass 
on mantel. After much gasping, ivhile Constance strokes her head 
tenderly.) There — so — that's better. (Business.) That Dr. What's- 
his-name is not altogether useless. 

Enter Sophy, in apparent haste, as Constance is still 
holding glass and watching her mother anxiously. 

Sophy. Good gracious ! Miss Constance, where'd you get that 
.•glass from ? 

Constance. From the mantel. 

Sophy. Merciful Heavings ! 

Constance! } What is the matter ? Quick, Sophy ! 

Sophy. Why, you've took the one with the pink paper on ! 

Mrs. H. Well, well — pink paper isn't poison ! 

Sophy. Oh ! ain't it, though ! 

Mrs. H. Help ! 

Sophy. Only one drop is the dose ! 

Mrs. H. Run, Constance! 

Sophy. And you've took a spoonful ! 

Mrs. H. Run, Sophy ! 

Sophy, It's terrible powerful ! 

Mrs. H. Horrible ! Horrible ! 

Sophy (at top of her voice). It wasn't to be took inside at all ! 

Mrs. H. I've been poisoned ! I'm sinking ! Send for the 
doctor instantly ! Oh — h — h ! (More and more faintly.) 



Sophy. Yes'm. Yes'ni. [Bashes oat of door i<.) 

Constance, ?r/;o has poared out brandy, gives it to Mrs. H. 
Sophy re-opens door, patting her head in. 

Sophy. Er- — whicli doctor, ma'am '? 

Mrs. H. (starting itp n-ith. miexpectecl energy.) Dr. Stanford 
Stearnes — next door — of course, stupid ! Think I'll have the idiot 
who has poisoned me in the house again ! {Resumes her state of 
collapse.) [Exit Sophy. 

Constance. But inaninia. Dr. Stearnes won't know what that 
stuff is you've taken. The other doctor would. 

Mrs. H. Oh! I'm dead I What will you ever do without 
me, Constance? {With sudden indignation, and forgetting her 
faintness.) Of course Dr. Stearnes will know. He always used to 
know exactly what to do for me. Why do you always attack him ? 
You are positively viperish, Constance ! 

Constance (going on Iter knees, and smoothing Mrs. H.'s 
face gently). Don't, mamma, please ! I can't bear it. (Aside). 
1 think my heart would break if I had to part with him all over 
again. 

Mrs. H. Eh? What's that you're mumbling ? 

Constance. Nothing, nothing. Do you feel better now ? 
He'll be here in a moment — if he comes at all. 

Mrs. H. If he comes at all ! Do you realise, child, that I 
may be breathing my last at this moment ? Have you no heart ! 
Why don't you get friglitened ? 

Constance. Somehow^ I can't. I'm almost sure you are not 
in danger. 

Mrs. H. (7cails). To think I should receive such a blow from 
my only child ! 

Constance. Dearie, I didn't mean to be cruel. These are his 
office liours, mamma, but lae'll come if he's in. It will only take a 
minute. I think I liear them now. (Listens.) Yes ; that's his 
step on the stairs ; I'm going. (She rans to the door.) 

Mrs. H. Constance, come back here at once ! Constance, I 
say ! Constance ! \_Exit Constance, as Doctor enters. 

Doctor. Constance ! 

Enter Sophy, out of breath, behind Doctor. 

Doctor {turning to Sophy). Where is she, you woman ? 
Don't stand there puffing like a locomotive ! Come ! 

Sophy (trying to catch her breath, lohile Mrs. H. goes unnoticed). 
I am — you didn't understand — I — I — was so— so — bazzledasted — 
perhaps I — didn't — get it — straight. Oh — I am — so — out of — 
b — breath ! It's ^Irs. Hazenby wliat's took. Miss Constance is 
only scared. 



10 

Doctor (loith great emphasia). I ivill be — — {He holds the 
missing word in ivith his hand, while Mrs. H. and Sophy stop 
their ears. Mrs. H. squeals faintly. Doctor turns and hows to 
Mrs. H. ceremoniously.) 1 bid you good morning, madam. 
(Starts to go. Then, sotto voce to Sophy.) I could give you some 
medicine ! 

Sophy (throwing herself on her knees and holding him around 
the legs, lohile Mrs. H. gasps and groans notably). ' Dear, good, 
kind doctor, give me boiled elephants if 3^ou want to, but don't 
liave two murders on your hands ! 

Mrs. H. Help ! help ! 

Doctor (calmly). I will send your regular physician to you. 

Mrs. H. I won't have him ! 

Sophy (pointing to Mrs. H.). Go to her, 'tend to her quick ! 
'Tend to her ! She's took poison. She's a dying woman. You 
can't leave her a-demising like this ! 

As Dr. Stearnes turns to observe her critically, Mrs. H. 
collapses and hangs over arm of chair. 

Doctor. Let go — leggo my legs ! — professional etiquette be 
l)lowed ! What's she taken '? (Jumps over and. straightens Mrs. H. 
in her chair, listens to her heart, feels her forehead, looks into her 
mouth toith great rapidity and decision. Speaks quickly and, 
decisively ivhile holding her pulse.) What was it she took, I say ? 

Sophy. Tizen^pizen — PIZBN ! 

Doctor. Where is it ? 

Sophy (hand on her stomach). Here. 

Doctor. Bah ! Get me some of the stuff she took, if there's 
any left. Quick ! 

Sophy (hustling and fumbling around for glass). Yes, sir; yes, 
sir. This is it. Will she die soon ? Is she 

Doctor. Stop your noise ! 

Sophy. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. (Aside, tviping her eyes effusively.} 
What, oh ! what will Miss Constance do ? 

Doctor (still holding ptulse in right hand, glass in left, smells 
cautiously, touches tongue gingerly to it, tastes carefully, touches 
tongue to it with more confidence, takes a sip, spits it out, and 
drops Mrs. H.'s hand tinceremoniously. Then, turning to Sophy). 
x\nything special this was to be given for ? 

Sophy. Put in her eyes at night. Squdged. 

Doctor. Squdged ? 

Sophy. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. You know — squdged like this. 
(Business illustrating use of eye-dropper.) Is it ar — arsenix or 
stritch-nine ? 



11 

DocTOE. It's salt and water. 

(Mes. H. (jroan.s and sJtows a'ujns of life.) 

Sophy. Then she ain't dead ? (Mrs. H. (jroanH quite vigorously .) 

Doctor (judtcially). N — no. {Loud groans.) No — no, I don't 
think she's dead. {Dropping his sarcasm.) But she has had a 
l:)ad scare, though. We must put her to l^ed, and then you must 
call her physician. Evidently he knows exactly the sort of thing 
to give her. 

Mrs. H. {faintly). Sta}-, doctor ! stay ! 

Doctor {decided). Most certainly not. You dispensed with 
my services for telling you the truth aliout yourself. 

Mrs. H. Nothing of the sort. 

Doctor. Can you walk, madam ? 

Mrs. H. Stanford Stearnes, how dare you "madam" me? 
I've known you since you were young enough to spank ; and I 
wish I'd done it ! 

Doctor (icily). Can you walk, madam ? 

Mrs. H. {faintly again). No, I can't. You'll have to carry 
me in your arms. 

Doctor {to Sophy). Take hold of her feet. 

Mrs. H. Oh, doctor, not that way ! 

Doctor {to Sophy, after taking Mrs. H. under the arms). Got 
her ? Here she goes, then ! {They march out through door l. 
Doctor's voice heard from adjoining room.) There ! there's 
nothing much the matter with you, except fright ; but you'd better 
call in your physician. 

(Mrs. H.'s voice from room beyond : " Brute ! ") 

Doctor {hacking out of door on stage). Thank you, and good 
morning. {Turns and strides off toxvards door r., snapping his 
fingers.) Humph ! iVnd that fool woman is Iter mother ! 

Sophy {entering on tip-toe, and whispering). Doctor ! Doctor! 
[Catches him by the coat-tail as he is about to disappear.) You 
must listen ! It is about Miss Constance. 

Doctor {stopping and burning, voice softened). Well '.' 

Sophy. She needs you. 

Doctor. Did she say so ? 

Sophy. She wants you. 

Doctor {emphatically). Did — she — say — so? Are you deaf? 

Sophy. No, no ; I'm not deaf. (Doctor snorts, and inrns to 
(JO.) Yes, yes, yes, yes ! she did say so. 

Doctor {turning sharply). Why did you hesitate, then? 
Sophy. I was so flabbergasted l)y such a funny (juestion. 



12 

Doctor. Oh ! Try to unflabbergast yourself, then. Don't you 
see me waiting ? (Sits.) 

Sophy. I'll go and get her. (Aside) I'm in for it now ! [Exit. 

Doctor (jumps up nervously, tries another chair; jumps ^ip 
■again, and walks about, sighing heavily). Now, who'd have 
thought I could make myself such a fool over a woman ! Con- 
found that girl ! I love her more than ever. (Enter Constance.) 
Well ? 

Constance (tremulously). Well? 

Doctor (louder). Well? 

Constance. Sophy said you wished to see me. 

Doctor. Oh! she did, did she? 

Constance. But, apparently, you don't. 

Doctor. H'm ! couldn't exactly say that. The man wlio 
■didn't want to see you would need medical attention. 

Constance. What would you prescribe for him ? 

Doctor. Strychnine every half hour, large doses. In case he 
wanted to see you too often, strychnine every few minutes, larger 
■doses. (Constance laughs faintly, and suddenly puts her hand to 
her heart.) Constance, you're not well. 

Constance. Oh, yes, I am ; perfectly well. (Clutches at chair 
to support herself.) 

Doctor (jumping toward her, seizes her hand and slipis her 
into chair.) What's the trouble ? 

Constance (turning away face, hut leaving her hand ivith the 
Doctor.) I was frightened about mamma. 

Doctor. Mother's all right. But you. (He counts her p)uh<^ 
fondly.) Rather rapid. 

Constance. Yes, it's my heart. 

Doctor. That organ seemed quite untouched the last time I 
saw you. 

Constance (facing him sadly). You — you've finished counting, 
perhaps ? 

Doctor. I beg your pardon. (Lays her hand reverently in 
her lap.) 

Constance. Please go now. I couldn't do it all over again. 
Oh ; you're making it so liard for me ! (She buries head in hands, 
and sobs.) 

Doctor (aside.) Hard for her ! She could not do it all over 
again ! (Walks about in perplexity ; then stops short, and distress 
in his face gradually changes to joy. Tie strides suddenly over to 
her, lifts her head gently, and turns it toward him.) Hard for you, 
Constance ? 



13 

Constance {clutching one of liisi luuids in hath of hers lovingly). 
Yes — I didn't mean to let you know. 

Doctor. Girlie ! (Starts to put his arm round Iter.) 

Constance (d reaving hack). You must go now. I haven't 
changed my mind. 

Doctor {explosively). But I've changed mine! Constance, 
I'm an ass ! 

Constance {starting hack). What do you mean by such 
language ? 

Doctor {radiantly, hugging hiviself with joy, and ivalking 
about). I'm a blooming, blithering, bounding ass! 

Constance. Would you mind explaining ^-ourself ? 

Doctor. I recently asked you to marry me, didn't I ? 

Constance. You did. Aud pray is that the reason you're an — 

Doctor {shouting). No, no, no ! Or, stay — hold on — wait a 
bit ! Yes. That is the reason. That's exactly the reason. 

Constance {with dignity). Thank you. 

Doctor. And you said you couldn't think of it ? 

Constance. I did. 

Doctor'. Said you didn't love me, never liad loved me, nevei* 
would love me ? 

Constance {grieved). I never said one of those things. 

Doctor. Maybe you didn't ; but you tliought them — eh '? 

Constance. Never ! 

Doctor, Ho, ho ! And yet I got up off my knees and went 
away like a whipped school-boy ! Well, don't you see that's 
where I'm an — same animal as I mentioned before ? 

Constance {helplessly). No, I don't quite see. 

Doctor. Well, I'm a medical man by profession. 

Constance. So I've heard. 

Doctor. Well, when I give pills to my patients, I don't get 
down on my knees and bleat : " Will \o\\ accept tliis liumble 
pill?" 

Constance. No, you bulldoze them. 

Doctor {joyously). Precisely ! I say : " Plere, this is wliat's 
good for you. You take it ; never mind what you think about it." 
And it always does them good, especially if they have confidence 
in me. 

Constance. Yes ; you seem to cure tiiem. 

Doctor {taking her hand). I'm going to cure you. You need 
my care, and you're going to get it. {Slips his arm round her 
waist.) Couie ; it's my prescription. 1 know my business to-day. 



14 

Constance {toeakenvmj). But you're acting outrageously ! 

DocTOE. Why didn't you tell me before that you cared for nie ? 

Constance. I haven't said so now. 

DocTOE. Ho ! ho ! ho ! And haven't you, indeed ! {Holds her 
close to Mm.) 

Constance {letting herself (jo). Oh, Stanford! Can it be for 
the best ? 

Doctoe [after a hearty hiss). I am of the opinion that 
it can. 

Constance. But mamma wouldn't bear it. 

DocTOE (confident). I shall prescribe for mamma. (Love 
business.) 

Mes. H. (speaking from room hehind screen). Sophia! Sophia! 
(^Wails.) Oh, where is my bell ? (Groans, as if arising.) Who is 
that out there '? 

Constance. She'll never consent. {They kiss again.) 

M.B,s. H. (faintly). Sophia! Constance! Doctor! 

Doctoe (chuckling). She's got to. 

They bill and coo, not hearing sounds hehind screen. 

Mes. H. (in doorway). Oh! I shall die! (With great effort, 
aided by a chair, she gets over to edge of screen, but stumbles 
against bell.) Help ! help ! 

Doctor (to Constance). Faint — quick! (He puts an arm 
around her, as she sinks into a chair, and fans her violently tvith 
piaper seized from table.) 

Mes. H. (entering from behind- screen). Doctor! doctor ! what 
is it ? I heard such awful sounds ! 

DocTOE (taking empty powder paper from table and dabbing it 
at Constance's mouth). Eun, and call Sophy ! Quick ! Eun — 
run ! 

Mrs. H. (running briskly to door). Sophy! Sophy! Sophy! 

[Exit Mes. H., calling. 
Constance. I can't go on with this. It's cruel ! 
DocTOE. You must. Don't you see ? — we've cured her. 

(Enter Mrs. H., ivitJi Sophy behind her.) 

Doctoe. Push that sofa over here. 

Mes. H. runs and pushes sofa easily. Doctoe lifts 
Constance to it, and [facing audience) listens to her 
heart. Business : Mes. H. and Sophy wring hands 
and hop about. 

Mes. H. Oil ! let me do something [more for her ! I'll do 
anything. 



15 

Sophy. It's you that's killed her — keeping her worried with all 
them nerves of yours. (She u-ails.) 

Doctor. Shut up, and bring me that bottle. 

(Sophy starts for it.) 

Mrs. H. Let me ! Let me ! {PnsJtcs Sophy aside and hriiujs 
bottle with utmost agility.) Oh ! will she live? 

Doctor. Calm yourself. It's only a slight attack of faintness. 
She's taken care of you night and day, till she's worn out. 

Sophy. Amen. 

Mrs. H. Oh, why didn't she tell me ? Whatever can I do for 
her ■? 

Doctor. You shou.ld call in your family physician at once. 
I shall offer him my apologies for iiitruding. 

Mrs. H. [running over to him). Don't. You mustn't leave lier. 
Never mind me, — but don't desert her ! 

Doctor. Two physicians in one family would be unfortunate, 
don't you think ? 

Mrs. H. {drops on her knees before him, seizing one of his 
hands). Stanford, I've been a selfish mother ! I've thought 
always of myself. I wouldn't let myself be well. You were right 
when you told me — oh ! oh ! bread pills — you were right ! Give 
her back to me, and I'll be good. Sophy, throw away all those 
bottles ! 

Sophy. Oh, lor ! [She goes about gathering bottles.) 

Mrs. H. Make my girl well, and I'll give her up to you, if you 
can win her. 

Constance (forgetting her role and throwing her arms about her 
mother's neck.) You dear, good, blessed, absurd mamma ! (Site 
rises from sofa, and assists her mother as she kisses her.) 

Mrs. H. Sudden recovery, that ! 

Doctor. Er — (rising) she had such a good doctor. 

Constance. The best doctor there is ! 

Mrs. H. You two seem to understand each other rather well. 

Constance. We do. 

Doctor (putting an arm round Mother and another around 
Daughter, who rests head on his shoulder). Mother, I'll stay and 
be physician for both of you. 

Mrs. H. (enlightened). You wicked, wicked children ! 

Sophy (returning ii:ith great armful of bottles). Whoopee I It 
was me as did it ! 

CURTAIN. 



JUN 26 1912 



'COMIC OPERAS, 
MUSICAL PIECES, &c. 

}£~Afal( Characttrs. t-r^FeinaU Ckdracit. 

in TWO or THREB ACTS for AiyiATEURS, etc. 
B«Wole (3 Act8)(6 M. 4 F.) ,,.. Robert Reecc& L. d« Ri: 

. Billee Taylor {2 Ac») <$ M, 4 F,)., H. P, Stephens & Ed. Solouio - 

f3 Black Squire, The (3 Acts) (9 M. 5 F.) . . H. P. Stephens & Fiorian Pascal 

4 Brer Rabbii^ & Lfncle R«mus (a Acts) (to chavaclers) 

Walter Parke & Floiian Pascal 

5 The Chatelaine (3 Acts) (6 M. 3 F.) Walter Parke & 1 . ; v i' ' 
♦6 Claude Duval (3 Acts) (6 M. J F.) H.P.Stephens.;: 

t? Cloches deCornevnie('3Acts)(5M. 8 F.)H.B, Farnie, etc.atnj U. i".a.,t,jc.i' 
18 Cj-mbla (3 Acts)<6 M. 8 F.) .. .. ..H. Paulton & FlorUm Pascal 

fg ErmiaieTs Acts) (12 iM, 6 F.) ; .. H. Paukon, etc., and E. Jakobowski 
to Pairyidns andfthe Qphlln*, The (2 Acts) Yo characters) (Fairy Opera Tor 

Children) M. (5. GUlington & Carl Reinecke 

f IT Great Casiniir, The (3 Acts) (7 M. 6 F.) . .H. S. Leigh & Chas. Lecocq 
ti2 Oyp^ Qabrlel Cj Acts) (7 M. 3 F.) Walter Parke & Florian Pasc.il 

♦13 Wis Majesty (2 Acts) (lo M. 7 F.) F. C. Burnaiul, etc., and A. C- Mackenzie 



ti4 Utile Miss (3 Acts) (6 M. 3 F) 
15 Lord Bateman (2 Acts) (5 M. 6 F.) 
},j6 M«g;ic Opal, The (2 .^icts) . . 
f 17 Mynheer Jan (3 Acts) (g M. 5 I . ) 
ti8 Nectarine (3 Acts)<7 M. 5 F.) 
4t? Sally (2 .Acts^ (5 M. 5 F.) 
f 2o Suzanne (3 Acts) (7 .M, 3 F.) 



H. S. Leigh, etc., and Chas. Lecocq 10 

H. P. Stephens & Ed. Solomon 6 

.Arthur Law & J. Albeniz 7 

and E. PanltQh & Ed. Jakobowski 5 

Henry Hersie & R. Planquetta 6 

Ed. Kighlon.& Florian Pascal 5 

. . H,.S. Leigh & E. Paladiiha 5 



Ux 

t7 
tr8 
.fry 



fas 

24 



. H. B. Farnie & Offenbach 
J. J. Dallas & W. Slaughter 
E.Oxenford & F, Pascal 
Henry Herman & F. Pascal 
.Henry Lathair& L. Elliott 
. Henry Lathair & Lecoci^ 
L. Debenhain & Odoa.rdo Barri 



Blind BecTKars (2 M. i F. or M.). . 

Hl« Only Coat (3 M.).. 

A Slice of tuck (i M. i F) 

Sanj^-Azure (2 M. 2 F.) 

John and Ansfelina (z M. ] F.) .. 

My Uncle, the Ohost (i M. 2 F.) 

Extremes (5 F. and Female Chorus) 

The Waterman (3 M. a F,> Edited by W. Yotingc-& F. Pascal. C. Dibdin 

Mr. Fitz W— (3 M. 3 F.) W. C. Kewte, W. Parke & \. C. Bond- Andrews 

The Quaker (2 M. 3 F.) Edited by W. Parke & F. Pakal . . C. Dibdin 

l-ady Laura's Land(3M. 2 F. and Mixed Chorus) F.W. Brouffhton& F. Pascal 

The Crusader and the Craven (a M. 1 F.) W. Allison & Percy Kecve 

Inspector (2 M. 2 F.) A Musical Chsrade. Adrian Ros^ & F. Osmond Carr 

Old Knackies(7F. 3 M.) .. .. Arthur La\v& A. J. Caldicott 

The \t:rgtr (3 T. 3 M.) . . . . Walter Frith & Ring Hail 

Tally-ho (2 F, 3 M.) . . . .Malcolm Watson & A. J. Caldicott 

A Simple Sweep (2 M. 3 F. & Mixed Chorus) F. W. Broughton & J. F. Downes 
Ballet d'autrefois, PeUte Seine. (Old World Ballet.) V,i T; .r.,,,.;; , .vi 1 
Voice (i F I M.) .. .. .. .. .. G. 

Secrets of the Heart, Musical Duologue (2 F.) A.Dol>..u . t; ,, ,,i, 
The Qolden Age, or Plerrot'5 Sacrifice (i F. sM.) Ky.-itt& F. Pa:,,, 
Weather or No? (i F, i M.) Adrian Ross & Luard Sell 

Our Toys (or. Our Doll's House) (3 M. 3 F.)— 

- w. Yur'i:--:v r..' '•■.;<• -;>-;-, ;; ,' :>'. 

Charity begins at Home (2 F 3 M) P. Rowt I 
Byes, ft No Eyes (or The Art of Seeing:) (< \\ < I , . 

Jealousy, or Tuppins & Co, (3 M. a F.) Milcoim Watson iv- h(!. Solomon 
The Knave of Hearts (5 M. a F. or 3 F. and a M.) W. Yardley & L. Elliott 



2F.) 



A Moss Rose Rent (3 M 

BoxB (3 M. 2 F.) 

ThreeTenants (3 M. a f.) ;. ^ 1 - 

Our Toys (New Edition), (3 M. 3 F.) .. w. n 

Violin Part (rt'/ <V/ ; 
The Wedding/Quest. A Musical Sketch for thn 

M. C. ' M : 

Tfa« CensaHatlou (The Lawyers) (A Musical .s. 

(3M.) .. .. 

OtdSarah (3 M. j F.) , Harry Gr..: 

Dae too Many (4 M. 2 F.> F. C. Bu 

iiand Patts may be had to all 1 



I..aw S: A. 

R. 



COMIC OPERETTAS, &c. 

Vi'-Malc CAaraciers, F — Fewale Characters, 

IN ONE ACT. 

Breaking the Spell (2M. iF.) H. P., Fatnie & Offenbach 

Cups and Saucers (j M,_ i F.) , . Geo. Grossmith 



J. C.-ildicott 4 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



OPERETTAS, 



racters. 



F — Fonale Charculers. 



IN ONE ACT, 

-K. or 3 M.) Walter Parke, I\I. C. Gi!!irigton & Leo Delibes 

'\(lr:;=u Ro«3 & Louis Kreymann 

, 1 ^ .'! .. Adrian Ross & Louis Kron 



and 

Words. 



Sep:; 



42 
■43 
.. 44 
1^45 

47 

,50 



|t--5 
t53 



lustand Gretcher 
Mary and 5airey 1. - 
Quid Pro Quo (i M, 1 
Double Dealings (i iNi 

No Cards (2 M. 2 F.) 



R" 



\N' 



ian Ross & Richard ThJele 
iaa Ross & Richard Thiele 
& Bridgraan & W. Bendali 
F. Vigay & V. Holiaender 
S. Gilbert & Lionel Elliott 



Bookof Arti. 
Ncli (Children's Operetta) 
The Babes in the Wood ( 1 

Ladv Ella (founded on " Cinderci'ri 
Mot'her Work-a-day World (K 



M. C. GijUngt&n& Ed. Solomo/i 
J. Fletcher & others & E. B. Farmer 
ptta in Fonr Scenes') 

!,. .^: T,. W. White R: M. L. White 

'm;- -;!:, ■ A V^;iinc Propl;.'! R. O.Gilbert 



iU 






; TWO ACTS. 

1 Fairykiusbctne (jobl!ns(Chiidren s fairy opera)M.C.Gi!lingtono;Car!Reinecke 

Complete vocal parts, is. net. The vocal score has accompaniment for four 
hands and mav be had on hire or purchased. 

2 Vfngt et Un (i M. s F. & F. Chorus) . , . . Virginia & Lucy ^^"intle 

3 Pied Piper (or, Rat-catcher of Hamelin) (Children's Opera) 

A, O'd Bartbolevns & J. F.'irmer 
.4 Bo-Peep& Boy Blue fCbild-ci.'s Ooe^<-Ur^ ,^ Cli^i:; ningham C^'T. Pascj^; 

5 Worn-out 5hoes(a Cbo:-.;l ^■]. ■ r ^"1 1 ■ 

.\, :y., i^:u.-!, ;.,:.■ w,. ..WadLiinslon Cooke 

6 Tempests In Teacups (5 H. 3 t.; C. L. i-urKis&Aanan Ross & i^'iorian Pascal 

7 Brer Rabbits Uncle Reinus(comic opera roryoungpeople)W.Parke& F.Pasca! 

8 In Wonderland ^Founded on Lewis Carroll's Book " Alice in Wonderland ''), 

A C: f'r'ien':- f>l -el!/,. . .. ■, . .. Edith Wheekr:^ F. P:^scai 

IN THREE ACTS. 

1 Jewel IVlitiden, The (Japanese Operetta) (Female Voices and Chorus) — 

{Especially ada-pted for Schools.') M. C. Gillington & Florian Pascal 
Separate Voice Parts, complete, Old Notation and Sol-fa 

2 Red Riding Hood (A iMusical Play for Children) E. L. Thomas & John Fa; uit, 

3 The Frozen Heart (or, The Snow Queen) (Operetta fjr Children) 



4 Beauty and the Beast (A Childr 

5 Florette (or, The Qoose Girl) L 



M. C. 

:') L, 



t6 The Fairy^Malden (w, Thomas the Rhymer) 

without iJialogue) .. .. .. M. C. Gilliri 

Fairy Choruses, is, 

I'Band Parts may be bad to all those marked t All the aboi t 

for Tbeai.rica! Entertainments. For Comic Operas ii; 



ton & M. Carmich;;.;: 
White ,&M. L. Wiiite 
bie Voices) 
i, Allen & A. Bartlett 
r.i'-tical Fairy Play 
\,, and F. Pasca'l 



Belles of the VlUagre (Rustic Ballad Opera) (12 M, 5 F.)- 

v.'rjtten, composed and arranged by Hugh Foster & John Fit7.Ger.1ld 
A Love Cycle (or, Dangerous to Cyclists) (Mnsicai Duologue, with 

FJialogue) (i M. i F.) Svdney Fane 

The Qirton Girl and The Milkmaid (1 F. & F. Cborus, or Duologiie) 

C. A,ian\s & A. j. Caldicoti 

Wooing a Widow (^ M. r F.) ^^'. Parke & F. Pascal 

Feminine Strategy (I M. I F.) /: - /, / : ./.'.. d . Adams & F. G. Hollis 

Aunt Tabitha's Fairy VIsitofsvChildi-n.HOpeiftta; 

Libretto by Alice Fleuryj Music from various sources 
Cock Robin & Jenny Wren (Children's Operetta) M.C Gillington & F. Pascal 

Book of Actiorts, 6d. 
DoHdom (Children's Optret' ' . ' C. Bingham fc F. F:is;,! 

r :: : ,\; - each i-;, net. 
The Return of the Faiiric;, (Ciulururs Operetta) W. CoTiieiy & A. Ricbar.d: 

Book of Actions, 6d. 
The Maid and the Blackbird (a Nursen,' Operetta) 



• either for Drawing Roon; 
1. Acts see other Lists.- 



N.B.—The Right of Representation Reservea to alt the above Works. 

I.E. —All particulars eoncepning the above works (Synopsis, Length of Performanct, 
Compass of Vocal Numbers, Author's Fees, etc.) will be found in ' ' Thumb-Nail 
Plots," or " Booklet of Ghoral 'Works," which will be ssnt on application. 

London; JOSEpTTmllAMSTirMlTED, 32,"GtrPortTancl Street, W^ 



